"Diagonals"

There was of course a time when Ben was a healthly, carefree, normal kid. A boy who loved watching his favorite shows, enjoyed many friends, was very active athletically, an average student who could have done better had he applied himself more; all in all, a not untypical child growing up with two loving parents, in a nice suburban neighborhood with excellent schools and an abundance of communiy activities, one of which was 't-ball'. Now I dare say there are not many parents who have not had their own 't-ball' experiences. Indeed, Ben, his mom and I had ours! Remember what Art Linkletter used to say? That kids say the "darndest" things. Certainly true, but they do the "darndest" things as well! As parents, it is always our wish that our kids really shine; how much we want that they succeed! And when they do, it is nothing less than "nachesdik" (yiddish for that parental feeling of joy and pride upon watching their kid hit a homer or their miniature ballerina curtsey with beauty and grace.)

Well, Ben neither curtsied nor hit the homer, but it was once his turn to bat in what I do believe was his first t-ball game on the grounds of the Robert Crown Center in Evanston, Illinois. It was a summer sunday, a beautiful day, and the crowd had appropriately turned out to witness their darlings' initiation into youth baseball. Ben, I would guess, wanted not only to succeed but in a big way as well! I recall his very wonderful face as he strode up to the plate, both transfixed and twisted with determination! The ball was set upon the "t", his mom and I cheered him on; he swung and that ball let go! It flew! "Run Ben! Run!!!!! And he did ... DIAGONALLY, over the pitcher's mound, right to second base! I mean after all it was such a good hit ... why bother going to first? Despite all failed attempts to shout him back, a double he was determined to get by hook or crook! It was simply and unbelievably hilarious! A moment in Ben's and our lives unburdened, wonderful and innocent!

Postscript: A Glimpse Forward in Time

The things we do for our children-whether they be right or wrong, misguided or "right on the money"- often reaffirm the truism that as parents we do do the "darndest things." It is probably best attributed to our "nesting" instinct-that as parents our first obligation is to protect our children-to enable them not only to defend and protect themselves but also to keep them out of harm's way-both when they are still very young but even after having done some growing up. So it was that I tried to interest Ben in playng hockey with a group of Jewish men-one of whom I knew from my synagogue. They weren't so much a team as simply a group of guys who enjoyed the "rough and tumble" of ice hockey. "Perfect!" I thought for Ben: skating at which he had always excelled, hard checking against the boards, slap shots ... what could be better? Problem was that this group practiced twice a week at 10:00 pm., but for several weeks, Ben and I went-he played, I watched and on occasion fell asleep in the stands. Unhappily it did not last beyond two months or so, but back to my motive for a bit. How was this an example of my "nesting" instinct? Ben had always been very athletically oriented-I was purposely trying to show him ways by which he might maximize his strengths with the added benefit that more regular physical exertion would serve him well as a diabetic. Secondly, I was trying to demonstrate that there were other "friends choices" out there which a least, I thought, were more wholesome than those whom at that time were Ben's "friend choices"! The bottom line? Whenever I tried to choose for Ben-no matter how parentally pure my motive-it failed! He invariably reverted to his choices. Interestingly, Ben's mom used to say of Ben that he had always been a very cautious child-even from his earliest years. The kind of person who carefully surveys a new situation, looking it over ... scrutinizing it in an attempt to determine if it was right for him. All well and good, one might say! Deliberate, cautious in his moves, like playing chess with life itself. However, as parents-no matter how much we may both encourage and applaud self-reliance, a "stand-up" approach-it is often a heartbreaker to see-that despite the fact that we do know better ... life having taught us-our children, eager and detemined to exercise their autonomy, end up making poor choices, their own choices true enough but poor ones nevertheless!